Last weekend my good friend Martin, henceforth to be known as Ralfie, and I had the good fortune to be whisked away into the quaint and vaguely surreal world of the Funbus.
Inhabited on a more permanent basis by two other friends, to be known as Smithy and Bish, this was an experience that can be likened to a road trip back to the seventies as well as a road trip to Belgium.
Now I'm an avid student of the human condition and I can only infer that Smithy and Bish must have missed out significantly in their youth thereby justifying their enthusiastic embrace of all things that feel as if they should have been left in the mud at a 70s rock festival. As soon as you enter the vehicle, you feel as if you have been issued with rose tinted spectacles that make the world look forever amiable and innocent. Next time I'm expecting to be given a hippy wig and a pair of John Lennon's old glasses.
Newly emblazoned with 'Andy's Luxury Coach Tours' as it's logo the Funbus looked resplendent when it turned up to collect me. With Smithy at the helm it soon reached Warp 1, which in the Funbus world means wafting along at 65 mph.
The bus is not of aerodynamic design being some 9 feet in height and squarish to boot. Indeed, when parked up it is often mistaken by passing children as an ice cream or hot dog van and I'm surprised that the enterprising duo haven't yet developed this theme with the installation of a fridge and a range of mivvis.
The seats are comfortable but vaguely unstable. The decor is luxurious in the sense that my grandma's front room used to be. But overall the bus is functional with a range of 'cons' which were obviously once 'mod' but are now reminiscent of an Ideal Home Exhibition which I visited as a kid.
A smooth transition to the resort of De Panne - last resort is probably more apt - ended with our pitching camp at the luxurious Greenpark site. Well, I always somehow knew that the Belgians as a race were not blessed with classic good looks but even so I was surprised by the ugliness and grotesqueness of most of the inhabitants in the vicinity. Ralfie and I were dispatched to the bar to do battle with the duelling banjo fraternity while Smithy and Bish set to work to make our camp as homely as possible.
Having seen them in action I can now say that I see these two in a wholly new light. Such consummate actors and professionals. One minute they are Fanny & Johnny Craddock, spurring each other on to culinary excess, the next Howard and Hilda enthusing together like a pair of old odd job men about their latest labour saving gadget, the next reverting to Margo and Jerry bickering and squabbling over whose turn it is to wash up. But they did make the Funbus and the adjoining tent as attractive as they could be given that the outside temperature was close to freezing point at times. Even Ralfie, a stickler for an orderly house was impressed.
The ensuing couple of days was spent much as Smithy has already chronicled with the emphasis predominantly on serious alcohol and food intake. Of course, Smithy, ever the trailblazer and experimenter, chose the strongest beer in Belgium for his first tipple resulting in a momentary wobble but we were soon back on track for a protracted session.
As is usual on these jaunts we kept the old grey matter ticking over with feats of memory and general knowledge and we were actually able to get our list of famous Belgians up from three to ten, though I'm doubtful that King Leopold is really a worthy contender. Herman van Rumpoy is surely the name that trips off everybody's lips in this context.
Ralfie managed to keep out of a fight despite being in the minority of Chelsea supporters in the bar where we watched the European Cup Final and being vociferous to say the least.
The other thing to mention, of course, is nocturnal 'goings on'. I'm not talking here of anything other than the innocent - after all we're well past the days of chasing young gals around in the wee small hours. No, snoring, shitting and leaks all had there place. To take the last first, poor old Ralfie, who is the most companiable sleeping partner a man could have, had the misfortune to be leaked on twice, not once. The Funbus does seem to have a problem with it's guttering or lack of it and it always chose to leak on Ralfie's side. Now everybody knows that after sand and Spurs supporters, Ralfie hates a damp bed. He wasn't happy, though that despair soon turned to joy when he found that Bish's new ionic heater would dry his sleeping bag and under crackers in record time.
Second, snoring. Yours truly is renowned for the variety of his nocturnal vibrations, at least in the world of Mrs Jefford, but Ralfie who was closest to me seemed to think that in comparison with Bish I came a very poor second. Having heard him at close hand, I have to agree. Bish is a world class snorer, who, if this were an Olympic sport would undoubtedly take gold for Britain.
Finally, shitting. It's a natural function. We all do it, even on a manky campsite in Flanders field where you have to take your own bog roll with you. What isn't natural, is to get up in the middle of the night in a pouring rainstorm, don your trousers and disappear for a full hour leaving the cosy Funbus warmth. Well that's what Ralfie did. Luckily Jeffrey, ever the concerned friend was worried and went to look for him, only to find him straining over a cold latrine playing Angry Birds on his i-Phone! I know the footie was exciting and the prawns dodgy, but really.
On the way home with S & B still enthusing and planning their next trip to the Vendee surf, I got to wondering how they could expand their empire and perhaps get a fleet of funbuses. They could advertise the whole experience as a tour down hippy lane without the bother of going overland to Afghanistan. Or they could entice young lads and boy scouts to share in their backwoods experience. On second thoughts that would get them arrested. Perhaps they should stick to whisking their 'beautiful ones' off for romantic weekends at obscure muddy pop festivals and their friends for surprise weekends to the continent.
It was great and if I'm ever invited again I'll be there. Next time though, can we get some hash?
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
A famous Belgian ...
That age old Q about naming 3 famous Belgians…well here is a personal favourite of mine. King Leopold II. He was rather infamous as he colonised the Congo rather aggressively!!
Monday, 21 May 2012
Enjoying the blues in De Panne
As previously reported, a true friend of the funbus and highly esteemed human being - namely A Jefford esq, received an open invitation to journey with us together with another damn fine gentlemen and all round good egg .. M Ralf esq.
The weekend had arrived and so off to jolly old Belgium we did tootle. On the recommendation of friends of the Bish we decided on a coastal resort, namely De Panne that promised a lot and delivered most of it.
Suffice to say the trip proved to be a real hoot.....more to follow but I am very tired and lacking inspiration so dear readers watch this space.....
Having survived the trauma of the beautiful one packing for her girls trip to the Algarve and dropping her at the airport at 5.15 this morning, I am now back in the land of the living.
Interesting stuff about De Panne - it is the most western point in Belgium and borders France. Famous people that lived or died in De Panne include King Albert I and Queen Elizabeth of Belgium (lived there during World War I), and
John Aidan Liddell, VC, who died in De Panne in August 1915 (hero pilot of World War 1 - pictured above). De Panne is home to Plopsaland, a themepark aimed at young children and located at the former Meli-Park(from outside it looked a tad run down and somewhat shabby - however I am sure very young children love it whilst the rest of us just chuckle openly about such a silly name for a children's theme park - might have well have called it Poo World!). De Panne was also the place where the first land yachts intended for sport were built and used by the Dumont brothers in 1898. 17 July 1831, Leopold I, the first Belgian king, sailed to Calais from England, and arrived in Belgium in De Panne. The Leopold I Esplanade, which includes a statue of him, commemorates his arrival
To bring you up to date - there are a large number of bars (good thing) and eating places (good thing). Evidently popular with Belgiums and French (bad thing) but not many Brits (good thing).Drinks not too expensive (good thing) has a naff cocktail bar that we got into a bit of a tizzy with when I innocently asked for a glass of water. (bad thing). Most of the people seemed to have fallen out of the proverbial ugly tree (bad thing) and some obviouisly hit every branch on the way down (very bad thing). In fact the theme tune for the trip was 'The Adams Family' duh duhing with finger clicking. Followers of the tweeting amigo will be aware of the Deliverance reference with banjo !!!
A big plus is the tram that runs along the prom alll the way to Ostend. So in true funbus spirit off we jollied to a sunny enclave called Newport (en route to Ostend). What a fine afternoon we had watching the world slip by as wine flowed and cheese was nibbled (very good thing). Somewhat flushed due to the sun and replete, it was back to the more salubrious De Panne and the Stella Artiois bar with a big screen.
M Ralf esq. is a Chelsea fan through and through, as a 30 year season ticket holder few can match his knowledge of the Blues and his technical grasp of the round ball game. With the biggest game of thier history about to start it is to his eternal credit that he chose to enjoy it with us as opposed undertaking the pilgrimage to Munich. The rest they say is history and the triumphant Blues were heartly cheered throught the bar.
After a leisurely start on Sunday the pilgrimage to our spiritual Belgium homewas made. Veurne is a very quaint town only 4-5 km from De panne. It might as well be 4 -5 hundred miles given the differences. The indigeneous people are either old or rather comely in a rather fetching way who obviously are more afluent than their fellow countryfolk residing in De Panne. Oysters and frites for me with a rather pleasant house red rounded off an excellent few days. My fellow travellers all enjoyed large portions of Croques monsieur (cheese and ham toasties) with salad. Then it was off to the shuttle whereupon we boarded with ease and shared the journey in the company of a polish hearse (...in use!!).
The weekend had arrived and so off to jolly old Belgium we did tootle. On the recommendation of friends of the Bish we decided on a coastal resort, namely De Panne that promised a lot and delivered most of it.
Suffice to say the trip proved to be a real hoot.....more to follow but I am very tired and lacking inspiration so dear readers watch this space.....
Having survived the trauma of the beautiful one packing for her girls trip to the Algarve and dropping her at the airport at 5.15 this morning, I am now back in the land of the living.
Interesting stuff about De Panne - it is the most western point in Belgium and borders France. Famous people that lived or died in De Panne include King Albert I and Queen Elizabeth of Belgium (lived there during World War I), and
To bring you up to date - there are a large number of bars (good thing) and eating places (good thing). Evidently popular with Belgiums and French (bad thing) but not many Brits (good thing).Drinks not too expensive (good thing) has a naff cocktail bar that we got into a bit of a tizzy with when I innocently asked for a glass of water. (bad thing). Most of the people seemed to have fallen out of the proverbial ugly tree (bad thing) and some obviouisly hit every branch on the way down (very bad thing). In fact the theme tune for the trip was 'The Adams Family' duh duhing with finger clicking. Followers of the tweeting amigo will be aware of the Deliverance reference with banjo !!!
A big plus is the tram that runs along the prom alll the way to Ostend. So in true funbus spirit off we jollied to a sunny enclave called Newport (en route to Ostend). What a fine afternoon we had watching the world slip by as wine flowed and cheese was nibbled (very good thing). Somewhat flushed due to the sun and replete, it was back to the more salubrious De Panne and the Stella Artiois bar with a big screen.
M Ralf esq. is a Chelsea fan through and through, as a 30 year season ticket holder few can match his knowledge of the Blues and his technical grasp of the round ball game. With the biggest game of thier history about to start it is to his eternal credit that he chose to enjoy it with us as opposed undertaking the pilgrimage to Munich. The rest they say is history and the triumphant Blues were heartly cheered throught the bar.
After a leisurely start on Sunday the pilgrimage to our spiritual Belgium homewas made. Veurne is a very quaint town only 4-5 km from De panne. It might as well be 4 -5 hundred miles given the differences. The indigeneous people are either old or rather comely in a rather fetching way who obviously are more afluent than their fellow countryfolk residing in De Panne. Oysters and frites for me with a rather pleasant house red rounded off an excellent few days. My fellow travellers all enjoyed large portions of Croques monsieur (cheese and ham toasties) with salad. Then it was off to the shuttle whereupon we boarded with ease and shared the journey in the company of a polish hearse (...in use!!).
Charmouth
A triumphant weekend was enjoyed with the beautiful ones on the sunny south coast. The bus ran true, the sun shone, the food was hearty and beer tasted good. Our newly acquired awning proved to be a success and life is good.
Saturday, 5 May 2012
of Kylie and Doombar
Greetings, felicitations and glad tidings to all.
After a somewhat lethargic start, 2012 is beginning to pick up the pace and last weekend managed to break into a lazy (but effective) jog.
The mighty bus stirred its classic engineering, meshed its gallant gears and blew out the cobwebs as it trundled out of hibernation and into the dazzling sunlight - actually it spluttered, wheezed and coughed into life on the third turn of the key (oh yes!) in pouring rain on a dark dank day in April. Ministrations by the mechanical genius that is The Bish ensured all was well and I lovingly washed the green mildew from the roof. So now with gleaming livery and a purring engine the FunBus is fit and ready for more adventures.
So what are you asking has this to do with Kylie and Doombar - patience reader...all good things come to those who wait.
A trip to Charmouth is in the offing with the beautiful ones to try out the new awning. A christmas present to the funbus, economically purloined from E Bay. Longer term the awning will be an essential accessory as we enjoy the anticipated delights of the Belgium coast, our spiritual home in the Vendee and Henley as 2012 gets into full swing.
So wanting to ensure that the beautiful ones enjoy a sumptious weekend in the lap of luxury it was felt prudent to check out all was well with the finer workings of the bus (loyal readers will recall the boiler leaking episode on our journey through Europe last year!). So the Bish and I sallied forth to Oxford. Why Oxford?...well, its midway between the realm of Smith and the kingdom of Bishop, its quite nice to visit but most importantly the Bish's male heir will be reading law there come September...(gets his brains from Mrs Bish) so we needed to vet the local hostelries and sample the local wares.
All was good - bus ran well, campsite was flat, spirits were up and laughter shook the rafters. We planned a pub crawl but ended up in All Bar One - a damn fine establishment that we highly recommend. this is where we drank endless and vast quantities of the 'Doombar'. Its a great beer, and no lasting effects in the morning (except nauseous wind!) which is why Messrs Bish and Smithington are happy to endorse this product. Indeed, enquiries are being made as to whether Sharps Brewery would like exclusive sponsorship rights to to the fun bus.
But the highlight of the trip was learning that Kylie will be head lining the last night of proms in the park - desperate to ensure tickets were sourced there were frantic phone calls and website searches and...yes dear reader we are going to see KYLIE...of course its for her street wise progressive and cutting edge music and not her bottom (honest)....
After a somewhat lethargic start, 2012 is beginning to pick up the pace and last weekend managed to break into a lazy (but effective) jog.
The mighty bus stirred its classic engineering, meshed its gallant gears and blew out the cobwebs as it trundled out of hibernation and into the dazzling sunlight - actually it spluttered, wheezed and coughed into life on the third turn of the key (oh yes!) in pouring rain on a dark dank day in April. Ministrations by the mechanical genius that is The Bish ensured all was well and I lovingly washed the green mildew from the roof. So now with gleaming livery and a purring engine the FunBus is fit and ready for more adventures.
So what are you asking has this to do with Kylie and Doombar - patience reader...all good things come to those who wait.
A trip to Charmouth is in the offing with the beautiful ones to try out the new awning. A christmas present to the funbus, economically purloined from E Bay. Longer term the awning will be an essential accessory as we enjoy the anticipated delights of the Belgium coast, our spiritual home in the Vendee and Henley as 2012 gets into full swing.
So wanting to ensure that the beautiful ones enjoy a sumptious weekend in the lap of luxury it was felt prudent to check out all was well with the finer workings of the bus (loyal readers will recall the boiler leaking episode on our journey through Europe last year!). So the Bish and I sallied forth to Oxford. Why Oxford?...well, its midway between the realm of Smith and the kingdom of Bishop, its quite nice to visit but most importantly the Bish's male heir will be reading law there come September...(gets his brains from Mrs Bish) so we needed to vet the local hostelries and sample the local wares.
All was good - bus ran well, campsite was flat, spirits were up and laughter shook the rafters. We planned a pub crawl but ended up in All Bar One - a damn fine establishment that we highly recommend. this is where we drank endless and vast quantities of the 'Doombar'. Its a great beer, and no lasting effects in the morning (except nauseous wind!) which is why Messrs Bish and Smithington are happy to endorse this product. Indeed, enquiries are being made as to whether Sharps Brewery would like exclusive sponsorship rights to to the fun bus.
But the highlight of the trip was learning that Kylie will be head lining the last night of proms in the park - desperate to ensure tickets were sourced there were frantic phone calls and website searches and...yes dear reader we are going to see KYLIE...of course its for her street wise progressive and cutting edge music and not her bottom (honest)....
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